This eulogy was given by Chris Koppel on September 10th 2010

Benjamin Joseph Treadaway

July 31, 1976 - September 6, 2010

I know so few truly great men, men who change their worlds, men who fill up space so largely yet so humbly; men who truly lay down their lives for their friends and love deeply. Ben you were one of those men -

Let me tell you about Ben.  Ben is a son, a brother, a husband, a daddy a friend.  I suspect that if I stepped away and just allowed those of you gathered here to say something about him and how he touched your lives, we could spend the entire afternoon here listening to story after story of how this amazing man did something that that impacted your life in a way that left a beautiful fragrance of love in an around you. 

As I began thinking about what to say today I started looking through Ben’s Facebook of all things.  He would have thought that funny.  But it was amazing to read the short messages people left on his wall.  In some cases of death of others I have seen RIP or he will be missed.  Not Ben’s I found things like this - Patrick his brother writes - You were always there for me. You never judged. You were always there to help whenever.  You were a great Father. You were a great uncle, a servant of God, a loving husband and son. YOU WERE MY BROTHER, and I will miss you tremendously.   Another person wrote to Ben and Kelly - Lauree and I are praying for you. I have never walked away from a conversation with Ben and yourself without feeling loved by Christ.

 

 A young lady whom he taught in Sunday School writes - He wasn’t only my Sunday school teacher but he was my best friend I will miss him lots!  You are in my prayers - Just a side note about the young lady’s he taught in Sunday School, Kelly and I used laugh because so many of those little girls had huge crushes on Ben.  He would walk in the room and suddenly they would all light up with these pretty smiles, primp their hair a little then run over to him.  That was a never ending source of teasing fun for me and Kelly. He always handled their little hearts with so much tenderness and care.  Never making them feel silly.  He took the opportunity to teach them about Jesus and made a lasting impact in their lives. Truth be told there was not much he was not willing to do for those kids so they would know Jesus, whether it was allowing them to paint his finger nails and put make-up on him because he lost a basketball game (on purpose) or  find that kid who stood against the wall and get them dancing.  He had one goal, get them to Jesus in whatever means necessary.  Again, a string of young lives that are forever changed because of the way he loved others and loved God.

 

A Co-worker wrote - You are one of the few genuine people I have had the opportunity to know. Always willing to talk and or listen, lend a hand or sling a joke for a smile. All the joy and laughter you have created has left a big impression. Thanks for being you I will never forget you.

 

The constant that I see in these written words, in the things people have said, and what I witnessed as I was so honored to walk through life with Ben is that he lived his life in such a way that left a profoundly beautiful impact wherever he went.  Ben lived his life depositing these beautiful pieces of the Holy Spirit, of love, of care, everywhere he went in all of our lives. 

 

I was talking with Pam, Ben’s mom, this week as we looked through old pictures and I watched the moments and memories pass through her eyes and listened and cried together, she looked up at me and said, Ben always did what I asked, he was the easiest child.  All I had to do was look him and say anything and he would smile.  He was such a special guy. Pam writes - OH MY BABY! You have always been the anchor for those around you. The one that could be depended upon to do whatever needed doing. If I close my eyes I can feel your arms around me and you saying "It's OK Mama". The outpouring of love, comfort and support from your Christian family is an amazing tribute to you and I am so proud that you were mine.  Ben’s Dad Steve writes -Many years ago at a church homecoming. Ben may have been 5 or 6 years old at the time. He came to me and reaching for my hand he said, "Dad let's go meet people".  I now know that his legacy will not be just that he met people, but that he knew their hearts. The many stories I've heard these few days have made me the... proudest father in the world. If I become half the man my son was I'd be happy.  Steve and Pam you raised an amazing man.  This testimony of his life has as much to do with the love and life you gave him.  You could not have known when he was born into your home the incredible impact he would have on so many lives.  Thank you for sharing him with us.

 

Ben had an incredibly beautiful love for his wife Kelly. This relationship they shared in the hard times and the good was something that in my lifetime I have seen rarely.  I would catch him staring at her from across the room or sitting at the table intently listening and watching her.  There was a deep admiration in his heart for her.  I can not count the times I heard him say that she was the most beautiful woman in the world and meant it with every thing in him.   He had eyes only for her.  He told me once that he knew from the moment he met her that she would be his.  I believe that.  Her happiness and her knowing how much he loved her was at the forefront of his mind all the time.  I watched them live together, serve God together, parent together and serve so many other people together.   They truly became one, united in purpose and life and love.  He was an amazing example of the way a man should love a woman.   A beautiful reflection of Jesus love for us.  I don’t think they would mind me giving you a tiny glimpse into their love -

 

 Kelly writes -    I am so thankful to get to do life with you, honey. Thank you for all that you do for us. We could not be more blessed. I hope your day is great. Love you bunches! and she writes - We are very blessed to have you around, Buster. We love you. :)

 

Ben writes to Kelly- I am so amazingly blessed that I have married such a wonderful woman. I thank God for who you were when we met, who you are now, and who you will become. Thank you for so many wonderful years. I am such a lucky man! PS. We are going to have a beautiful baby (if she looks like you).

This incredible love that we have been so privilege to watch and marvel at should inspire us to love each other more.  I think that would make Ben smile.  The last day we were together he taught Kelly how to throw a cast net into the ocean,  it occurred to me  Kelly that he may have been giving you a beautiful picture as he stood behind  you teaching you how to cast all her cares on to God because he knew how much God loved you.  That’s the picture I will hold for you Kelly.

 

I asked Kelly today as we talked early in the morning what her greatest lesson so far through this experience has been.  She said that loving the people around you everyday, holding them, kissing them fully engaged is most important.  There is just nothing more important than loving God and loving the people in your life she said.   She is overwhelmed at the way her Ben loved people and the way they loved him.  She said she wanted to love like he loved because the impact of that love he had for God and for others has made such a difference in so many lives.

 

As most of you know Ben has two children.  Joey, whom Ben adored and loved and little Ellie who will be born in January.  I don’t believe there was anything he felt more proud of than being a Daddy.  I remember so many times watching Ben just sweep Joey up and Joey would lay his head on Daddy’s shoulder and there he would stay.  Ben started early laying a Godly foundation in Joey’s life.  He taught him God’s word, taught him to pray and depend on Jesus.  He was that Dad who would spend the hours building legos or looking at stars or throwing balls.  His greatest joy was being with his family.  And boy was he already crazy about Ellie.  Ben writes -I had a great evening w/ the Koppels. I t only got better when we got home and went to bed, because we think the baby had hiccups. It was so cool to be able feel the little bumps against my hand and know there is a life in there.

 

I have never seen a man care so much about the pattern of the bedding in a nursery, or the decorations on the wall or the pattern and operation of a stroller.  There was to be nothing but feminine little beautiful things for his Ellie.   As we were looking through Ben’s bible we found a beautiful gift for Ellie - Ben wrote in the margin “Thank you 4 our new baby” Then highlighted this in Psalms 139 -

 

        For you created my inmost being;

        you knit me together in my mother's womb.

 ¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.

 ¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
      when I was made in the secret place.
      When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

 ¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
     All the days ordained for me
     were written in your book
     before one of them came to be.

 

What an amazing father.  What an example to all Dads.  Joey and Ellie are blessed to call him their Daddy. 

This week I have been so honored to be present with this family.  I have listened to the stories of this great man from his brother Patrick and Sisters-in-law Kim and Tracey and mother-in-law Susie and his brother-in-law Joe and all the his aunts, uncles, cousins grandparents.  It struck me first as I remember conversions with Ben how much he loved each of them.  He loved calling them his family.  And then it occurred to me as I listen to them how although the stories had different highlights there were several things that were consistent for all of them.  Ben’s faith and trust in God deeply touched their lives.  His willingness to always be there for them and love and support them.  Ben was one they counted on and had no doubt he would always be there.  Their love for him is deep and I know the void in their hearts will be difficult to fill. 

This week as I quietly played through the memories in my mind thinking of my friend and brother who I have been so blessed to know.  I am trying to find some way to fill this gaping hole that has been left with his departure.  I know all of you must have that same question, how could anyone fill that space.  So, I think he would want us to fill it up on purpose with all the beautiful memories we all have of him.  Some of you have had the experience of playing games with Ben.  He was just a little bit competitive.  Well, maybe a little more than a little.  Our families vacationed together, ate together, went to church together.  But there was this whole other dimension called game night.  Typically, me and Kelly against Ben and Eric sometimes it was an every man for himself game.  In these moments when the table was cleared and the games came out the whole atmosphere shifted.  Game on.  Well, the other little know fact about Ben is that his nickname is cheater McCheater Pants.  Why you may ask, because he would do whatever it took to win, all with raise eyebrow as to say “what, who me.  I had no other move I could make.  Really I had this card the whole time” Someday we are going play again mister and you will have all of heaven looking over your shoulder.   Although I don’t think he ever really cheated he sure enjoyed making us think he did.  I believe he would say to all of us that laugher is good like medicine.  And laughter was something that came easily with Ben.  His smile filled up a room, filled up all of our hearts.

 

My husband and Ben were best friends and fishing buddies.  I have watched them grow together over the years in ways I would have never expected.  Eric writes of Ben - When we are alone together we don’t have to speak.  We can just rest in the peaceful moment enjoying some time together in God’s beautiful creation.  Laughter and jokes were abundant, but most importantly we share our stories of family and work with each other, particularly our love for our wives and children.  The true gift of a best friend is what is given.  Not in tangible items but in love, compassion, understanding, tenderness and care.  In your absence, a best friend can be a second dad to your children and another solid rock for your wife.  Only a few have a friend like this, and only the truly blessed recognize it. 

 

I felt like when I read Eric’s words that each of you who called him friend, or who worked with him or even casually knew him, if that it is even possible, could take a deep breath and recognize yourselves in those words.  He loved you, all of you.  He was that man any of you could have called anytime knowing full well he would be there ready to support, to help to love.  That was our Ben. 

 

Though you were here for such a short time you have left a space so profoundly changed in our hearts and we are better for having known you.  I have known so few truly great men in my life. You my sweet brother were among those giants.  If someone had said to me that I was going to have to endure this intense pain to know you or never know you at all I would take this pain 10 times over because you my friend are worth every bit of it. And you know Ben I hate the whole rest in peace thing,  just saying. You dance in glory my brother - we will see you soon.

Not long ago -Ben Writes -is thinking about his family and friends in Myrtle Beach. I love you guys!  I believe that is what he would want all of us to know.  Dance in glory sweet man.  We love you too!